False Positive Labs — Terms of Service

Last Updated: [Insert Today’s Date]

Welcome, brave soul. By accessing or using any part of False Positive Labs, including our Substack newsletter “Riggs’ Guide to Funding Shit That Shouldn’t Exist™”, you agree to the following legally questionable Terms of Service (“TOS”). If any of this scares you, confuses you, or makes you question your life choices: good. That’s the appropriate response.

1. No Guarantees. Like, Literally None.

All content provided by False Positive Labs is for entertainment, satire, education, and/or reckless inspiration only. Nothing here is financial advice, legal advice, medical advice, moral advice, or even decent advice. You follow anything we say at your own risk. If you invest in a startup idea we describe and it explodes (literally or financially), that’s on you.

2. Intellectual-ish Property

The content, branding, illustrations, nonsense, brilliance, and unhinged rants you find here are ours. Don’t copy, steal, or scrape our shit unless you're giving proper credit and/or cutting us in on the grift.

3. No Liability, No Regrets

False Positive Labs, its creators, Riggs (real or imagined), or any associated parties are not liable for:

• Dumb decisions you make after reading our content

• Missed funding rounds, blown cap tables, or unfortunate tattoos inspired by our slogans

• Loss of money, dignity, or relationships due to your startup built on a joke

• Emotional distress from realizing how close satire is to reality

4. Paid Tier = Spicy Extras

If you choose to pay for the War Room (bless you), just know you’re unlocking more bullshit, not legal protection or insider access to actual venture capital. Refunds are rare, but we’ll consider them if you ask nicely and/or threaten us with poetry.

5. We Reserve the Right to Change Shit

We may update these TOS at any time, usually without notice, because we’re busy building an empire of bad ideas. Your continued use of the site means you accept whatever new legal voodoo we’ve conjured.

6. Contact

Questions? Complaints? Pitch decks written in crayon?

Email us at: whatthefuck@falsepositivelabs.com