Exit Interview: I Was an AI Programmer – I’m Going Into Plumbing
By Jason Grant, Master of Water Science
(With introduction by Riggs D. Thermonucleon, Chief Disruption Officer)
Editor’s Note:
Look, we all know the gig: AI is eating jobs left and right, and if you’re in a white-collar job, you're probably next on the chopping block. But we got this little gem from a former AI programmer, Jason Grant, who decided to do what any sane person would do: say “f— it” and become a plumber.
Now, before you go thinking this is some sort of weird midlife crisis, this isn’t just about burning out in tech—this is about facing the reality of a world where your AI overlords are taking over everything from data entry to creative thinking (because we all know AI can’t actually think, it just mimics what it's told). But here's the twist: This person, once neck-deep in machine learning algorithms, has now found more job security and a better work-life balance unclogging toilets.
So, while AI might replace you, it can’t replace hands-on skill—especially when it comes to real human labor. In today’s Exit Interview, we dive into this bizarre career pivot, where the real future of job security isn’t in the cloud—it’s in the pipes.
— Riggs
The Great Escape: How I Left the World of AI and Became a Plumber
Okay, say you’re an AI programmer, right? You spent years in the world of machine learning, neural networks, and deep dives into data sets. You coded till your fingers bled, trained models till your brain fried, and then—nothing. The AI revolution hit the corporate world like a freight train, and it turns out you were just another cog in the machine, destined to be replaced by a faster, cheaper, and more obedient AI.
Welcome to the future, where the best tech jobs are getting eaten alive by the very machines we built. And what do you do when AI steals your job? Easy—you become a plumber. You know, something human—a job that doesn’t require an algorithm to tell you where the leaks are, and the best part? You can fix the pipes without worrying about the existential crisis of being replaced by a robot.
So, after spending years programming AI to replace other people, I decided to say “f— it” and grab a wrench. Why? Because plumbing is real, it’s physical, and—here’s the kicker—bots don’t have fingers! Plumbing relies on a person who knows how to turn a wrench, fix a leak, and occasionally swear at the water system.
AI Took My Job—Now I’m Taking a Plumber’s Wrench
In case you’re wondering, yes—I was replaced by an AI. My whole job was about programming algorithms to improve AI. I spent my days optimizing AI systems for businesses, companies, and startups that claimed they were the future. And then BAM—my job became obsolete. AI was suddenly doing everything I did, but faster, and without the drama.
It’s hard to argue with the fact that AI was better than me at writing code, but that’s exactly why I decided to take the wrench and run. AI couldn’t fix pipes. It couldn’t unclog toilets. It couldn’t respond to a customer’s emergency with anything but a well-meaning, but ultimately unhelpful, automated response.
And that’s when I realized—plumbing is a job that requires a human touch. AI can’t get in the trenches of the sewer system and battle through a clogged drain. It can’t pull the furnace out of the basement and fix the pipes while cursing at the dust and the heat. But I can. And damn it, that’s worth something.
AI is the Future—But So Is Getting My Hands Dirty
So, what’s the difference between AI programming and plumbing? It’s personal touch. It’s reliable craftsmanship. AI might be able to calculate how long it takes to fix a pipe, but it can’t figure out if the leak is from the valve or from the underground roots. It doesn’t know if the pressure is right or if you should replace the whole line.
As I’m diving into the plumbing world, I’ve learned one thing: AI can’t replace hands-on work. Sure, it’s great at automating repetitive digital tasks, but when it comes to actual problem-solving, it’s still not there. Plumbing isn’t about data or efficiency—it’s about getting your hands dirty, fixing the real-world problem, and making sure people’s lives don’t get flooded.
And don’t get me wrong—AI is here to stay, but its current job is to make life easier for those who already have the money and power. The rest of us? We’re stuck fighting for a job that’s not going anywhere, not relying on automation, and doesn’t require me to code my own obsolescence.
The AI Programmer's Dilemma – Will We All End Up Like Me?
As much as I love my new plumbing career, I can’t ignore the AI reality. Every day, companies are trading real workers for cheap AI that can solve problems without needing a coffee break. It’s hard not to feel like a dinosaur in the workforce, with AI moving in faster than I can find a wrench.
But here’s the thing—AI isn’t the end of the world. It’s just the beginning of a new economy. And if you’re one of those lucky humans who still has real skills (like fixing pipes, welding, or even creating art that isn’t machine-generated), you’re in a prime position. But for everyone else, don’t bet your future on a machine that doesn’t care about you.
So, yeah—I’m now a plumber, and I couldn’t be happier. AI will always have its place, but it will never replace the need for human ingenuity—even if that ingenuity involves sweating over a hot pipe in a sweltering basement.
Post Script:
If you’re working in AI or technology, don’t be fooled into thinking you’re safe from the next wave of automation. You’re one bot away from being the next person replaced by a machine. But if you have real-world skills (like plumbing), you’ll always have a job. And maybe—just maybe—you’ll have more job security than the people sitting in shiny offices pretending to be essential.
But don’t take our word for it, Geoffrey Hinton, the Godfather of AI lays it all out for you in this episode of The Diary of a CEO. It’s worth a watch!
You Don’t Want US Working On Your Plumbing!
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Our Own Logical Fallacy
False Positive Labs contains 100% all natural* Satire and 0% career, plumbing, or AI advice. If you plan on getting into plumbing because of this article, just know that AI can’t help you fix a leaking pipe. It’s not coming to save you. But we can still find ways to make AI work for us.
*When we say “natural” we of course mean AI generated and fake. Satire…remember?
From Down In The Sewers…
Want to understand terms like AI apocalypse, job displacement, and plumbing careers? Check out our Grifter’s Glossary for the most confounding corporate speak and AI manipulation terms.
Check it out here!