Reader Mailbag: I’m Thriving on Paper, But Everyone I Know Is Broke. Am I the Problem?
Plus: A Recruiter Who’s “Concerned,” a Founder with Survivor’s Guilt, and a Man Who Thinks Resilience Is a Personality Trait
Curated by Chadwick F. Drollington III, Editor-in-Chief (Pro Tem),
with replies from Riggs D. Thermonucleon, who did not consent to this role
Welcome back to the False Positive Labs Reader Mailbag,
the only advice column brave enough to answer questions no one asked — but everyone is quietly Googling.
This week’s theme:
Living on the upper leg of the K-shaped economy while pretending gravity is fake.
Let’s open the bag.
Letter #1
Dear FPL,
I’m doing… fine? Actually, better than fine. My investments are up, my bonus cleared, and my job feels stable.
But everyone I know is struggling. Friends are getting laid off, rent keeps going up, and family gatherings feel tense when money comes up. I don’t talk about my situation, but I feel weirdly guilty.
I’m thriving on paper1. Am I part of the problem?
— Thriving, Somehow (San Mateo)
Riggs replies:
First of all, congratulations. You have achieved Upper-Leg Awareness, the rarest and most uncomfortable economic condition.
No, you are not the problem.
But you are standing near the problem, enjoying the view, and occasionally saying things like “it’ll turn around.”
Here’s the deal:
The K-shaped economy doesn’t just separate incomes — it separates realities.
On the upper leg:
The economy is “cooling”
The job market is “tight but healthy”
Volatility is “creating opportunity”
On the lower leg:
Groceries cost more than hope
Jobs vanish overnight
Every email feels like a threat
You didn’t cause this.
But if you keep saying “I’m sure it’ll balance out,” you will start sounding like the PowerPoint.
You’re not guilty.
You’re just not neutral anymore.
Sit with that. Quietly. Preferably without a LinkedIn post.
Letter #2
Dear FPL,
I’m a recruiter, and candidates have been acting… weird. They’re anxious, asking about layoffs, benefits, and job security way more than before. Some even ask if the role is “real.”
How do I reassure them that the economy is strong?
— Concerned Talent Partner (Austin)
Riggs replies:
Step one: stop lying.
The economy is strong for some people.
The candidates you’re speaking to have likely been:
Laid off twice in 18 months
“Restructured” out of a role they were praised in
Told to be grateful for contract work with no benefits
When they ask if the job is real, they are not being dramatic.
They are performing trauma-informed interviewing.
You can reassure them by:
Being honest about risk
Explaining how decisions are made
Admitting uncertainty without branding it “opportunity”
Or — and this is what will actually happen —
You’ll keep using words like resilience2 until they stop asking questions and start dissociating.
Either way, the vibes will be immaculate.
Letter #3
Dear FPL,
I’m a founder. Our company is doing well, but only after we laid off a third of the team and shifted to higher-paying customers. I feel terrible… but also relieved?
Is it wrong to feel like this worked?
— Ethically Conflicted, But Funded (Remote)
Riggs replies:
Ah yes. The Pivot-Induced Moral Hangover.
Here’s the truth no one puts in a deck:
Things can “work” and still be corrosive.
You optimized for the upper leg.
That doesn’t make you a monster.
It makes you accurate.
The sin isn’t the relief.
The sin is pretending the relief was free.
If you can acknowledge:
Who absorbed the shock
What was lost
That “market realities” have authors
Then congratulations — you still have a conscience. Lightly used, but functional.
If not?
Don’t worry. The ecosystem will reward you anyway.
MID-ARTICLE INTERRUPTION: If This Mailbag Feels Too Real
That’s because it is.
The K-shaped economy doesn’t just split paychecks — it splits conversations, friendships, and self-perception. We don’t have answers, but we do have subscription levels.
Paid subscribers get deeper dissections of this psychological fallout, plus recurring series you can’t responsibly post for free.
Letter #4
Dear FPL,
My manager keeps saying we need to be “resilient” during uncertain times. He says it a lot. Should I be inspired?
— Emotionally Bruised, But Agile (Denver)
Riggs replies:
No.
“Resilience” is what organizations ask for when they’ve run out of protections to offer.
It means:
Fewer resources
More responsibility
Zero acknowledgment of stress
A smiling tone
True resilience is collective.
Corporate resilience is individualized endurance.
If someone praises your resilience without reducing your workload, increasing your pay, or improving your security, they are not complimenting you.
They are auditioning you for the lower leg.
Letter #5
Dear FPL,
My uncle says the economy is booming and people just don’t want to work anymore. Monthly family dinner is coming. Help.
— Preemptively Exhausted (New Jersey)
Riggs replies:
Nod.
Smile.
Pass the potatoes.
You are not obligated to litigate macroeconomics over lasagna.
If pressed, you may calmly say:
“Some people are doing great. Some people aren’t. Both things can be true.”
If that fails, fake a phone call.
Final Thought from the Mailroom
The most insidious thing about a K-shaped economy isn’t inequality.
It’s that it teaches people to privatize their outcomes:
Success feels personal
Struggle feels shameful
And structural explanations sound like excuses
You are not crazy for noticing the split.
You’re just early to admitting it.
Learn Why This Feels So Weird
If these letters sound like conversations you’re already having (or avoiding), Riggs University can help you name the forces at play.
Business 101: Business and Economics for the Bold and Brazen breaks down labor markets, incentives, and power structures — without pretending vibes fix systems.
Support This Grift — Because Therapy Is Expensive and Satire Is Cheaper
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Share This With Someone Who Says “It’s Complicated”
Friends. Coworkers. That uncle.
Sharing may not change their mind, but it might shorten the conversation.
Need Definitions for the Damage?
Visit the Grifter’s Glossary
👉 https://falsepositivelabs.substack.com/p/false-positive-labs-grifters-glossary
⚠️ Disclaimer (Still Necessary)
This Is Satire. Do Not Use It as a Substitute for Therapy, HR, or Thanksgiving Diplomacy.
False Positive Labs is a satirical publication. Nothing here constitutes legal, financial, or psychological advice. If you feel personally attacked, please remember: systems hurt people — we just write about it loudly.
Thriving on Paper: Doing well financially while emotionally buffering reality.
Resilience: Being praised for surviving preventable stress.